simple and clean is the way that you're makin' me feel tonight

Post 21 :: Poisonwood Infinity


I


Psychological Critic


Notes for class:

--Nathan Price

I think he would be an interesting character to look at in terms of psyche and motivation. Since the book is narrated by his four daughters and his wife, the only perspective we have on him comes through their eyes. We don't get a chance to see through his point of view, and thus, I think his motivations are definitely harder to get a hold of; however, if I were to make an assumption, I would think that a lot of his motivation comes from religion (obviously), and that he believes he is truly "saving" the Congolese people. I actually disagree, but I'll save that for later.

His motivations could be more complex, however, and because we don't actually hear his thoughts on what goes on and what he does, we will most likely never know exactly what his motivations are.

Q: What do you think his motivations are? What evidence leads you to believe so?

--Leah

She would also be interesting to look at. Although I have not finished Book Two: The Revelation yet, it is evident in the reading that Leah is changing. Whether it be her opinion of her father or the tone of voice used in the writing, there is something different about her. She's beginning to realize more and more, starting to question things she would have formerly taken for solid fact. I'm not sure why this is happening, but it could be because of the isolation; without other things to take up time, you are given more time to think and brood on whatever happens in your rather uneventful life. Also, she could simply be "smelling the coffee," so to speak. The exposure to the Congo and its people is giving her a taste of what the real world is like. Not the idealized and white world they're so used to.

--Adah

It would be quite difficult to figure out Adah's motivations. Most of what we're told throughout the book involves what is going on inside her head. There are very few lines that actually tell us about what she does or how she acts. Also, because she is the way she is, she rarely seems to feel obligated to justify herself or her actions. Her motivation for her actions are much less clear because of the way she narrates.

Q: What /are/ Adah's motivations? Toward what goal?

--Ruth May

I'm not quite sure what to think. I'm sure our group can come up with interesting ideas/speculations as to where Ruth May wants to go with her life and relationships. This may sound like it's getting a little too complicated for little innocent, naive Ruth May, but really, what are the driving forces behind her actions? Why does she act the way she does? Does she really act purely on what she is given/introduced to by her father?

far away from the memories of the people who care if i live or die

Post 20 :: quotes :: a poisonwood walk :: who am i?


I


These are a little different than the regular quotes, but I thought them interesting all the same. I edited the punctuation of the first one from manga format to a written one. The second one probably sounds a little strange, but it was... interesting to me.


"But... the truth is... I miss him. I want to see him, spend earnest hours talking nonsense, holding each other... and kissing.

I hold on tight to my bravado, worried that if I make the first move, it will be denied. Worrying about when we'll be able to meet next. Worrying how long I should wait for him.

Isn't it a sign that it's over between two people the moment one thinks, 'I'm tired of all this'?"

~Shungiku Nakamura


"Stop doing this to me! This isn't a joke, you asshole! Haven't you done enough?! I've been a mess since the day I met you! I've become the type of person I most despise! What are you going to do about it?

I'd be such a calm, rational, normal person if I'd never met you! So why do you have to go and make me fall to pieces like this?!


--I love you."

~Shungiku Nakamura


"Now I need you, despite the fact that you've killed all my plants. And though I know I've already blown more chances than anyone should ever get... All I'm asking you is: Don't write me off just yet.

Don't write me off just yet."

~Music and Lyrics


"You are better than butter on bread. If you were a sweater, I'd wear you on my head."

~Ima Robot, Hello I Love You
(This song totally makes me smile. Give it a listen, if you can!)


"I've been looking for someone to shed some light, not somebody just to get me through the night."

~Music and Lyrics


II


On Thursday (I think) our English class did an activity in which we were required to take a walk through campus and write about it through the eyes of a character from the book. (The Poisonwood Bible) Here's a bit about our school campus, written from the viewpoint of Rachel Price.

" When we got on-board the plane out of the Congo, I thought man oh man, I would finally see my home again. Breck Special Formulated and Dial soap and everything else we'd not thought to bring. But no, law! We skipped on past sweet Georgia to come to this "Honolulu." Man oh man, it was better than the Congo, no doubt, but the sun glared at me from its high-and-mighty post in the empty sky--I could feel my temples starting to pound like drums with the beginnings of a tension headache.

I admit, it was a right lot better than the foul, rank Congo, where you could choke on the air itself. But it was different. Here, I was the one who had neither a bath nor anything that smelled what could be called "good" in a long while. Even in my best green linen suit, I felt their strange dark eyes follow me as they whispered when they thought I had gone out of hearing--if you ask me, they were the strange ones. Dark hair, dark eyes, the very antithesis of my own snow-white hair, which was so fine that the humidity here made it to frizz and tangle like the devil.

Father would never understand this campus and its classes or the students and the way they dress, speak, carry themselves. He'd name them all sinners, right down pat. The girls walking around in shirts that cover barely enough stomach to seem halfway decent, the boys with their pants falling down past their hips, exposing whatever printed undergarments they happened to want to exhibit, charming--at least they knew that a red plaid most certainly did not match a pink floral print. Jeans and trousers and color coordination--it has been forever since I have seen women who cover their breasts in public.

I rather dislike this humidity and bright sunshine and loud noises that seem to make up every moment here on this school campus. While we're on the subject, I disliked the entire stay in the Congo, where bitter quinine and tangled netting were utter necessities over fashion sense and a pink mohair twin set. But jeez oh man! Here is much better than that dank and horrid Congo.

At least here, my nose doesn't scream for those five-day deodorant pads I'd forgotten to pack when we were packed up and shipped off to the Congo. "

I tried to be "Rachel" for this activity, but... You know, it really would be lying to say I'm not like her at all, but I just couldn't seem to get into that mood. Yeah, I'm just making excuses. Yep. I just couldn't write like Kingsolver wrote her. Not at all.

-_____-|||


III


Lately, I've been so caught up in thoughts of whether or not people are mad at me that I'm losing track of what should be important; I never actually let loose. At everything I say, I stop and wonder if I've crossed an invisible line that shouldn't have been crossed. If I've done something to lower their opinions of me. I can't seem to relax and have fun, and this is spilling over into everything I do. A big, nasty oil stain on the expanse of my life. This feeling I have is visible, more than I know, and although I try to reign it in, it only becomes more clear. The people around are beginning to realize how much of a fraud I really am, and it scares me so much that all I want to do is hide with my head beneath the sheets until it's all over.

Nowadays, I realize more and more that the person I am isn't who I want to be.

But as I stop and think for more than just the initial spark, I think: Is the person I want to be the person I want to be? Or is that person someone I should be? The more I think about it, the less I understand. I know I shouldn't act according to what others think, that I should act the way I feel and less the way society dictates. I know that. I know. But why is it that if I do, I'll lose all I want to hold on to?

I know if I met myself in another form, I'd definitely hate myself. In a nutshell, I'm presumptuous, nosy, arrogant, and stupid. How should I change this? Should I change it? Yes, I should; that answer is evident. I don't know why I couldn't have been born a good child, born someone who knows what they want, knows who they are, knows how to act. What to change, what to follow, what to fight. What do I do? How can I change?

I have to try. I want so dearly to hold on to everything and everyone I hold close to my heart, but is that too selfish of me? Is that too selfish when I cannot fix the cracks in the glass panel of my window? When I don't know who I really am behind the mask quickly crumbling under the strain of years gone by? When all I can do is flounder about and hope that someone will save me, when I know no one can save me in my stead?

i am not a hero

Post 19 :: Poisonwood Infinity Reflection


I


We had literature figure eights about two days ago (?), and I just thought I'd write some of these down.

On Nathan Price:

We began to talk about his intentions/motivations for going to Africa -- they were good intentions, right? I'm not sure I can agree with his intentions even if they were good; it seems to me like his little excursion is kind of like self-gratification hidden behind a veil of good intent and "salvation." Unfortunately, I'm extremely biased, as well as extremely cynical, so these thoughts probably either oversimplify or seem very... "all or nothing."

I just feel like his going to Africa to bring those people "salvation" is, in its very essence, thinking of them as inferior. That you want to save someone implies that you think they need saving. What if they don't want saving? Do they need it? Is Nathan Price "saving" these people out of the kindness of his heart? Why should they need saving? Does he have a right to change these people?

I also agreed with the idea of his having to adapt to the Congo way of life versus his old way of life. Instead of trying to recreate his own home and familiar, religious surroundings in the Congo, he needs to learn that maybe these people don't need "saving." Maybe they don't need anything at all (although this is probably not true) from him and his religion -- and his God.

Another thing that was brought up is the lack of Nathan's point of view (POV). This was interesting, because the class said that all the girls thought rather the same thing of their father, with the exception of, possibly, Adah. I agree and disagree at the same time, if you know what I mean. I think their ideas of their father are very different. It's the way we perceive these accounts and how... I don't quite know how to explain it. They have different opinions of him, but those are all linked to one image that produces such opinions. Ah -- it was interesting that we all, as a class, seemed to paint the same picture of Nathan through the girls' separate accounts.

I'm not making much sense, am I?

On Ruth May:

In class, we thought maybe her opinion was the least biased. (Or, some people thought, the most biased.) I agree with those who said she is the most biased; if you think about it, her naivety may very well screw up everything she hears. If one is not aware of the complexities of certain issues, that may lead to oversimplification. Plus, as Eddie brought up, she's young. She doesn't know any better, and she's not old enough to begin questioning what she is taught. All she does is spit out what she's heard. It's not her voice we're hearing, in a way.

And it's extremely late. Or should I say early? Good night. Morning. Whatever.

darling, can't you see it's now or never

Interlude Post II


I


I really do love music. This weekend, I got my hands on an album by Josh Groban, "Awake." I highly recommend it. The vocals are gorgeous, and I just love it. His voice has this wonderful quality to it that is just... beyond words. I could honestly listen to this album for hours on end. I only wish I could find more of his songs.

Ah... And I found Il Divo performing on channel 10 tonight. Or last night, if you want to be picky about time (considering it's nin-- ten minutes past midnight). And on a random tangent, why do they call it mid"night" when it's not really night anymore at midnight -- and for that matter, it certaintly isn't the middle of the "night" if night is considered the PM hours. ANYWAY.

If you can, give these songs a listen:

- Now or Never (Josh Groban)
- Yume no Hana (The Back Horn)
- 20 Good Reasons (THIRSTY MERC)
- The Promise (Anberlin)
- (Actually, anything by Josh Groban esp. his album "Awake")


II


What can I do for you?

i'm just lookin' for the right words to say

Post 18 :: Poisonwood 2/2


I






And those are two extremely low quality pictures -- sorry about that. The first is supposed to be of Adah and Leah, the second of Rachel (again).

For Rachel:

I used several quotes from throughout Genesis, as well as my general idea of her drawn from the way she speaks. One quote that really helped was:

"I am the most extreme blond imaginable. I have sapphire-blue eyes, white eyelashes, and platinum blonde hair that falls to my waist. It is so fine I have to use Breck Special Formulated..." (47).

For Adah and Leah:

I didn't get much out of this chapter in terms of description. All I drew from was the idea of dark-haired twins. I also assumed their hairstyles would be more clean-cut than anything, because of their upbringing/family.

the truth about heaven

Interlude Post I


Just a quote from a comic.

"When morning comes,

the daily life we led up until now will never be again-

that's why I want to take this life I've taken for granted for so long

and burn it into my memory...

sear it, carve it into myself...

so even when the morning comes-

I'll continue breathing as I've always done-

and I will not cry.

What need have I to cry?"


--Shungiku Nakamura

give me twenty good reasons

Post 17 :: Poisonwood :: Willing to Die for What?


I


Okay, well... This was originally part of the artist role that I chose for the Poisonwood Bible. You may or may not recognize it from an earlier post. I kind of screwed up with the eyelashes though. I realize that they were described as a snowy white, almost. Right? (It's kind of supposed to be Rachel.)

I do have another sketch of her, as well as one of the twins, Adah and Leah. I'll save that for my second post, though.

Rachel was probably the easiest for me to visualize because she's described as being so materialistic. I also love the idea of nearly-white hair. I think it's pretty neat; that might have been one of the reasons it was easy for me to picture a Rachel in my head. Of course, this is just how I picture her. She struck me as someone who would be pretty aloof, but pretty in a sort of cold way.

It's a little hard for me to interpret a lot with my role as an artist, which kind of makes me think I would have been better off choosing the role of the psychological analyst; however, I did have a lot more fun doing this. When one needs to draw images from text, he/she is forced to look deeper, to check for anything that could determine expressions or mannerisms. Anything that could change the way the character acts and/or the way what she does is interpreted.





II


I came across a blog post earlier that mentioned being willing to die for something giving one the extra inch needed to win the race. Is this true? Does being willing to die really bolster your confidence? Does it mean that you've accepted death, and in a way, accepted failure? Or does it mean you have so much conviction and drive that you will follow it 'til the end?

(Sleep deprivation and a late night blog entry make for little literacy. *Warning)

Somehow, I can't bring myself to agree with the idea of being willing to die for something so easily. If you're willing to die for something, you have to want it damn bad. You should have thought about it logically and with your heart, or "bravery" and such becomes recklessness and/or disregard for others in my eyes. Life is extremely short -- you only live once, and you'll only get one chance (unless you happen to believe in reincarnation). It's invaluable. I don't think anyone should be able to give that up so easily. Even if it's to save someone else. Don't blindly throw yourself in the "path of the bullet." Stop. Think. When you die, it's over. Nothing else happens -- that's it. But what about the people you leave behind?

I mean, I realize that there are some situations where there's no other choice. It's an amazing thing for someone to be willing to die for the sake of something or someone. An act of sacrifice shows an amazing conviction and loyalty; I just can't think of that as... I don't know. I'm probably just rambling at this point. But really.

Why can't we be "willing to live" instead of "willing to die"?

been a long road to follow

Post 16.5 :: Wow


I


This really made me stop and think. In fact, I had so many thoughts running through my head that I had to make another entry!

Krysti's post was very interesting; it was right on-target, too. So much on target that it made me fidget in my chair. Quite uncomfortably, actually. I realized that I have to learn to stop and take things into perspective... I would say "sometimes," but I think maybe I'd need to do it a little more often than that. Anyway, her entry gave me quite the profound moment of realization and... well, it struck me as one of those trains of thought that could change your life (or how you think about things).

As I was reading, I came across a paragraph that really made me stop and think: "Wow. I want to be someone like her." (second paragraph?) It made me think about how I act in the face of difficulty, my own or someone else's. I realize again how clumsy I am in these kinds of situations; is there a way to practice? Does it come naturally? When were the people-skills handed out and was I in the bathroom at the time?

Changing the subject rather abruptly, I realize that my problems are quite... trivial. Especially that large stick up my butt that represents my grades/GPA. Really, it's only a number. A 4.0 isn't absolutely necessary to go on living. So why do I blow these small cowpie problems into giant heaps of stinking compost? Gods, I've done so many things I wish I could take back. So many things I regret, could have done better, should have done better... I always say I'll cut down on the complaining. I think it's high time I start for real. No empty words. I wonder how far that set of words will go before they run out of gas. Compost is actually a pretty good analogy though -- instead of letting it sit and stink up the place, use it as fertilizer. Learn from mistakes and everything that turned out and rotted.

Now I must think: How many of my friends' problems should I have treated differently? Have I treated too lightly? Or is it worth it looking back at all the mistakes I've made? How long should we study the past to learn from it? When are you learning from past mistakes? When are you brooding over them -- dredging up things that are better off put aside?

<3 It was a great entry, in my humble opinion. Thought-provoking.