maybe we're bent and broken

Post 16 :: Commonplace? :: Ah, the Irony :: Quotes


I


So. The commonplace post! I'm not sure what to talk about; everything could relate to the essential questions in one way or another, because life is life, and living in it will eventually produce an idea of what kind of world it is and how to continue living in it.

I realize that I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I have the social skills of a doorknob, and a mouth that works like the Energizer bunny. I have come to accept the two latter items, but one thing that has continued to plague me throughout my years as a hormone-possessed teenager is my own mind. I interpret things in obscure ways and can never quite grasp the situation.

-- I WISH THE PERSON WHO KEEPS COUGHING WOULD EITHER GET OUT, STOP COUGHING, MUFFLE THE NOISE, OR SUCK ON A COUGH DROP, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I'm pretty sure Brahms Symphony No. 1 Op. 68 did not have loud coughing written into the score, and you know, I get that sometimes it can't be helped. But GODS, man! Muffle it a little, will ya? --
/rant

Anyway, I meant to say: I hate that I can never say the right thing. Yes, the "right" thing is extremely subjective, but I know what I say is never right because it's downright wrong. I pass my whimsical and foolish judgements on others, thinking that perhaps I understand them -- that I can kind of see what's going through his/her head. I need to think a little more, try to understand just a little further.

I say I want to be of help -- to be trusted, to be there when needed. But trust and the like need to be earned. And where am I -- rather, who am I when they talk about it? I think I need to concentrate on being there, first.


II


I practiced flute nearly every day this last week. Playing the scales up and down, trying as hard as possible to stretch that one breath out over too many measures. It shouldn't have been that hard, really. But it was. I still can't play the F major section in one breath. Heck -- I can't even get the notes right!

I practiced piano more than I did for a long, long time this last week. I went through my old pieces, started working out the kinks in a more recent piece, and even tried to sightread through new pieces.

All around, it was a pretty productive week, musically.

And for some reason, I have a weird kink in my finger that the nurse called "something kind of carpal tunnel-like." Most likely caused by how I hold my flute (considering the pain is right where the flute rests). And possibly my playing of the piano after an extremely long period of not practicing. And maybe even the typing I'm doing right now.

Maybe someone's trying to tell me something? Haha...


III


"You bleed just to know you're alive."
~ Hero, Nickelback

" 'You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!'

'No one would miss me.'

'That's not true--

--I would.' "
~ KHII

"Heaven's not enough / if when I'm there I don't remember you... And heaven does enough / you think you know it and uses you."
~ Heaven's Not Enough, Wolf's Rain

" 'Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one.' "
~ KHII

" 'I'm a fool. I've spent years studying in the workings of the heart. Yet it seems I still haven't learned a thing! ... I try to wrap my mind around things my heart already knows, only to fail."
~ KHII