would you mind if i sat next to you and watched you smile?

Post 24 :: Fatal Attraction :: Can't See the Forest for the Trees


I


Today, I watched the DVD version of a book called The Secret. It was interesting, to say the least. It tells you about the Law of Attraction, and how the thoughts and feelings that you have contain the power to bend the universe to your will. You can achieve anything if you believe. Ask, believe, and recieve, or so they said. All through it, they told incredible stories of the workings of the human mind. I really don't want to go through the entire thing. Read it, watch it -- I think it would be an interesting experience for you, dear reader. It may change your life forever.

Though I say this, I can't help but feel that niggling doubt at the back of my mind.

STOP. Have faith and give it a go. Focusing on things that you don't want to happen will only strengthen them, bringing them about time and time again. Your thoughts emit frequencies, and those frequencies attract like frequencies. Negative to negative, positive to positive. Focus on the happiness, your gratitude -- all you have to be thankful for. Be pro-peace instead of anti-war. Think about what you want. The universe doesn't interpret want or dislike. So focus on happiness. Hold that in your sights and keep walking.

All we can do is try, right? So I'll try this. I'll begin thinking less about what I don't have and more about what I have. What I am grateful for. I will focus on the joy of achieving something I have long hoped for or wanted to do, and I will stay happy. I will have good days. I will finish all these drawings and prints for the convention -- with time to spare! I will have good hair days. I will lose those pounds I gained over spring break.

And with those thoughts, I will attain happiness.


II


Being a teenager. You, dear reader (as I have taken to calling you), may say, "Been there, done that." As simple as that, right? Am I allowed to analyze these troubled years of hormones and turmoil? Or would that be considered inappropriate or premature, as I am still smack-dab in the middle of those zit-filled years? Either way, I'm going to write this out, because I feel like I could look back on it and remember where I am and who I am. How old I am and how far I still have to walk.

Crushes

Isn't it funny how every little crush starts out small and then, out of the blue, it balloons out to impossible sizes? One moment, he's just "cute," and the next, you're noticing every little thing he does, interpreting habits that you never noticed before -- wondering: Does he have a girlfriend? Would he be interested in me? OMG What do I look like? Is there anything in my teeth? On my face? Oh man! I hope my hair looks all right! A mountain of insecurities springs up out of nowhere, like a bad zit on the day of the prom.

Why is this? Why does every movement have to have some kind of significance? Every sentence, its double, hidden meaning? Is it some hormonal imbalance that just happens to spring up every now and then? Levels of chemicals and nutrients in your blood, different parts of your brain being active... Is it chemical? Or is it something else? Something deeper and far less scientific? Are we, as teenagers, capable of "true love"? Or are we still too young, still too untried, still too inexperienced?

Are the subtle shaking of the fingers and the quickening of the pulse signs of a crush? And why is it that it's never really something you think about until you say, to yourself or to others, "I have a crush on so-and-so"? It begins with a simple thought, and your words seal the deal. So what if we never admitted anything out loud? Crushes seem so unstable. Unprovoked, unproven, not even backed by some sort logic 99% of the time. And they're short-lived, too, for the most part. They seem to take you on an emotional rollercoaster, up, down, all around, for less than that imaginary minute, only to leave you dizzy and possibly nauseated at the exit of the ride. So why do we continue "crushing" on people? Is it worth it? Is it all precious "experience," to be spoken of later in life, to your own teenagers when they begin this awkward phase?